I wasn’t going to watch it, then decided to Tivo it so I could forward through the commercials. Only I ended up forwarding through the majority of it, cutting 3 hours and 30 minutes down to about 30 minutes (if even that). The Grammys used to be something to watch but haven’t been in recent years. From poor choices of nominees, to awful performances, to flat presentations, it just has become a thing of yore. But I watched it this morning anyway and if this is my recap, notes taken as it went along:
The credits have started and I’m bored already.
U2? Hmm. They’re timeless. Lyrics on the seizure screen? That’s a forwarding. Bono whizzes past my screen and for as much I love U2, he just really bugs me. I can’t explain it. He just does. I think it’s whole smug commitment to charity.
Whitney Houston? People are standing why? Nice wig. LOVE the dress. R & B album — Boyz II Men is still a group? Is she high or drunk or both? I need that bracelet. Wow. She’s got to be high. I always like how surprised Jennifer Hudson is; like she can’t believe she just won this massive award after being kicked off American Idol. (I love that story. Man, those people should be pissed she went on to win an Oscar after they told her she wasn’t talented.)
I love the Rock. I love Justin Timberlake. I want to live down the street from Al Green. Keith Urban, Al Green, Boys II Men? Jesus. Fwd. Fwd. Fwd. I don’t care how much I love that song. Forward.
No, hot guy from the Wire, that’s Chris Martin. That’s not Coldplay. Fwd. Wait. Who is that? Stop, play to find out. Oh god. Fwd. Keep forwarding. That, hot guy from the Wire, is Coldplay. What’s with the Castro jackets? Are they trying to be ironic?
Already another performance? WTF is Carrie Underwood wearing? Big forward. Aww. I miss Leanne Rimes; I can do without Cheryl Crow. Country duo? We’re only to the 2nd award?
Oh. I thought that that guy who announced Coldplay was the hot guy from the Wire but it turns out it’s the guy on the Mentalist. Thanks CBS commercial block. You don’t have to make Duffy and Al Green sing, we all know that they can. Jeez. Song of the year already. American Boy is great, so is Chasing Pavements.
I’m bored.
Song of the Year is Coldplay. To quote one of the best music movies ever, shock me shock me shock me.
Miley! I *heart* her! But I swear Taylor Swift looks like she somehow managed to outgrow childhood retardation. Forward.
Bored. Forwarding.
I love that Robert Plant/Alisson Krauss album. Is he going to even let her talk? I’m so glad they put her in heels because the woman is super tiny.
I want to stab Jason Mraz. I don’t know why. He looks all nice and whatnot but I bet once you start talking to him he gets to be sleezy. I love that accent — Ainsely Hayes on the West Wing was one of the greatest characters ever.
One hour and ten minutes has taken me 15 minutes to watch. I’m really not missing anything.
Who cares … wait. Who is that? Who cares if they are getting back together. They aren’t Green Day, they are that other cheesy wanna-be punk band. Who is that? How is Coldplay rock? I hate to break it to you, Grammy people, none of those are rock bands. Hell, Metallica is the closest to a rock band in there. Those are pop acts. Coldplay? Really? No Gwenyth? I’m forwarding. Wait? Did I hear booing? I did. AWESOME.
Craig Ferguson isn’t funny. I want Katy Perry to die. Forwarding.
Damn. I almost forwarded through the awesomeness that is American Boy. Not forwarding. I don’t think Estelle is some comfortable with the liver performance thing. Maybe it’s the jacket Kanye West is wearing. It’s too bad because she’s got a fantastic voice.
Best New Artist. I love Adele. I hope she tells the fat girl haters to fuck off like I’ve seen her do previously. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that dress. Why aren’t Kanye and Estelle out of breath?
The voice of Jesus and spokesman for Penguins is wrong about the ticket sales. That honor goes to Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montanna. Not Kenny Chesney. Seriously? Kenny Chesney? He’s saying Kenny Chesney is the king of ticket sales? Really? Seriously. It’s Miley. Forwarding.
(Didn’t get the Jesuse/Penguin thing? Then you didn’t see the highly amusing Bruce Almighty nor did you watch March of the Penguins.)
How does Natalie Cole manage to look old without looking old? Is it because you know she’s gotten so much plastic surgery done that your mind can’t calculate her looks versus her actual age? She scares me. Record of the year. Watch it be Coldplay when it should be Krauss/Plant. Damn. Yay. Not Coldplay.
(Sidenote. I used to think Coldplay was fantastic. A Rush Of Blood to the Head is one damn fantastic album. The song of the same title is equally amazing. But then they got popular and everyone started raving and the music went downhill fast. Gone was the Rush of Blood quality and now it just sounds like regular old studio work. There’s nothing genius to it anymore.)
I love Queen Latifah.
WOW. That’s a really knocked up M.I.A.
Kanye West. T.I. Lil’ Wayne. M.I.A. Jay-Z. It’s like my dream concert line up.
I mean, damn. That’s really pregnant. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pregnant woman rap before. (And had I not forwarded through the intro I would have heard Queen Latifah say “mommy to be M.I.A.”)
I mean. Really pregnant.
Paul McCartney is an automatic forward.
Pop vocals. Kid Rock? Really? Did he screw up another song with Keely Smith? I love Ne-Yo; okay. I love the way he dresses. But his is a great album. Blech. John Mayer. You know he’s all kinds of sleezy.
Rewound to confirm M.I.A. was that pregnant. Yep. She is. And apparently, that was her due date yesterday. Damn.
I actually like that Sugarland song, but it’s so sad.
Oh. Hey. There’s the Gwyneth. She’s so flipping hot it makes me ill. Radiohead and the USC Marching Band? My overrated meter is going off big time. I can’t decide which one is more overrated than the other…my arrow is pointing towards Radiohead!
Forward through Samuel L. Jackson. Justin Timberlake and who? Oh. T.I. forward.
I know that’s Ne-Yo and I like Ne-Yo, but forward.
Josh Groban? You know how Jason Mraz looks all nice but is probably sleezy? Josh Groban is the opposite: looks all sleezy but is nice.
Neil Diamond is an automatic forward. So is the montage of dead people. I’d watch BB King if it was just him, but it isn’t. So. Forward.
Lil’ Wayne. I have been waiting for this. The song is fantastic and I always forget about Robin Thicke. I have a lot of respect for Lil’ Wayne. Everything I’ve read about him, from him, and intervies I’ve seen, he’s just phenomenal. He’s definetely a don’t judge the book by the cover, because the way he looks doesn’t even give a hint to how eloquent and damned smart the man is. (I mean, doesn’t write anything down? Just goes in and records it? Lyrics and music? That’s impressive.)
(Sidenote: I’m so tired of people being put-out by Katrina and what happened. Big deal you had to deal with evacuees. So your crime rate went up and you had to live with people you looked down on. It’s not like the majority of your cities were so great to begin with. And if you haven’t been to New Orleans since Katrina, you should probably go, because until then, you really don’t understand the term “lost city”. That city will never be the same, that city hasn’t recovered, and people ignore it because they’re put out by it. That’s just sad.)
Rap albums. Wow. I listen to all of those quite often. I really love the Lil’ Wayne album, but Lupe Fiasco was robbed once again. You can’t do much better than that kind of speech right there.
Oh! I have a girl crush on Zooey!
Krauss/Plant. Awesome. I should listen to that album today. So glad album of the year wasn’t Coldplay.
Other than a better crop of nominees and winners, the Grammy’s were yet again another waste of time. I hate that.
